


My Decision

by ShadCat



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Alternate Canon, Angst and Feels, Best Friends, Emotional Hurt, M/M, One Night Stands, References to Depression, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-24
Updated: 2020-09-24
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:00:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26636980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShadCat/pseuds/ShadCat
Summary: Noctis learned that his father and Luna had known about his fate the whole time. They had known that he was meant to sacrifice himself. This knowledge changed Noctis. It made his dark thoughts grow, whereupon Noctis hurt those he loved most.In the end, Noctis saw only one way in which he could decide the end of his fate himself.
Relationships: Prompto Argentum/Noctis Lucis Caelum
Comments: 20
Kudos: 39





	My Decision

It was a picturesque sight. Prompto would love it, if he could see it.

The clouds were dark and heavy from the rain that gathered in them and the sky turned a beautiful orange hue as the sun rose. It had rained all night. The bridge on which Noctis stood was damp from the rain and the puddles that had collected on it sparkled playfully in the sunshine.

Noctis himself was all wet from the rain. His raven hair was damp and the last drops of rain were dripping down his eyelashes. His clothes were soaked and made him feel freezing cold, even if Noctis barely felt it.

The look in his dark blue eyes was as dim as the cloudy sky as the prince looked down at the river. He watched the water as it hit the stones and flowed on inexorably. So far below him. Noctis was certain that a human could not survive a fall from this height.

The prince often came here when the thoughts in his mind became too heavy for his soul. It had a terrifyingly calming effect on him when he looked down and knew that there would be a way out. When everything got too much, when he couldn't take it anymore, there would always be a way out. It was still in his power to choose at least one thing in his life.

However, Noctis had never stayed here as long as he did today. He had stood here in the rain all night without really feeling the icy cold and the loneliness. He had just looked down and watched the water flow. It had been so comforting.

Noctis had learned of his fate. He had learned that if he left Insomnia, he would never come home as the same person. He had learned the price the crystal was charging for giving him its powers. But what was most important, Noctis had learned that defeating the darkness would cost him his life. He would die. It was his fate to die without ever having had the opportunity to live properly.

Of course, Noctis knew that everyone would die someday. In the past he had never believed that the thought would scare him. But knowing that his life would be over in the near future had changed him. The thought of death was no longer something abstract in the future. No, he knew exactly when it would happen and Noctis also knew that he was expected to fulfill his destiny anyway. He was given no option to choose another fate. He had no chance of preventing his death. But maybe he still had the opportunity to determine how it would happen.

Noctis gripped the bridge railing firmly with both hands as he swung one leg over the slippery railing. The seconds felt endless as he sat down carefully on the railing. His wet clothes felt so heavy. It felt like they wanted to pull him down.

His father and Luna had known of his fate for years. They had known that Noctis would die to fulfill his destiny and they had kept this knowledge from him. It was only by chance that Noctis overheard a conversation between the two and they had to explain it to him.

Noctis was meant to be a sacrificial lamb. He had been destined to be a sacrificial lamb since he was a little boy and yet the people he loved most hadn't prepared him for it. They would have let him go on a journey, unsuspecting and full of naive hope. He would have gone on a journey into a future that he would never have. He would have no future at all.

The prince had hopeless and gloomy thoughts for years, but they had never been as bad as they were now. Noctis couldn't stop thinking that he was going to die a horrific death. He would fight, he would make an infinitely long journey, only to die in the end and drag his friends into misery with him. Before Noctis could save the world, he would have to watch first as the world was destroyed in the dark. He didn't want that. He didn't want that fate.

A single tear ran down Noctis’ cheek. He sat on the bridge railing and his feet swung over the river, which was swollen from the heavy rain. The river felt more inviting and closer than ever before. As if it offered to let the water devour him to make him feel better. All his worries would then go away. The feeling of being betrayed and abused by his family and his own destiny would cease. He could be free again.

Noctis knew how much he had changed in the last few weeks. Since learning of his fate, he has spoken neither to his father nor to Luna. Whenever they approached him, he just ignored them and avoided them. The pain in Noctis over their betrayal was too great and his contempt for their secrecy too great to simply speak to them again.

Noctis knew that he was treating Gladio and Ignis unfairly and yet he could not prevent it. After Noctis refused to speak to anyone about what he had learned, his father told Gladio and Ignis about his fate. Noctis hated Ignis' compassionate, suffering looks, as if he couldn't cope with the fact that he should let Noctis die in front of his eyes. Noctis also hated Gladio's anger that there was nothing they could do about it. But most of all he hated the fact that they saw him with different eyes now. They saw him only as the prince who would die for his kingdom. As the sacrificial lamb they had to follow. At least that's what Noctis imagined.

The prince knew how much he hurt both of them with mean words. He said the things he knew would hurt the most, and he made lies he didn't mean this way. Noctis wanted to hurt Ignis and Gladio so that they would feel the same pain he felt inside. His behaviour was so wrong, but the suffering in him was so great that he could no longer bear it alone. So it was easier when other people were suffering besides him. At least that's what Noctis thought for a few seconds before guilty conscience added to his suffering.

It was only understandable that Ignis and Gladio slowly stayed away from Noctis. It was hardly noticeable to others, but the prince noticed how they spoke to him less and said goodbye to him more quickly. Slowly the wounds Noctis inflicted on their souls began to bleed.

Noctis had hurt everyone close to him. His father, Luna, Ignis and Gladio, but most of all, the prince had hurt Prompto.

Noctis had known for years that Prompto had feelings for him. Ignis had already pointed out to him after their first meeting that Prompto was obviously in love with him and Noctis had only nodded with a slight grin. He loved Prompto too, but only as a friend. However, Prompto had never tried to get more than friendship and therefore Noctis had never said that he didn't feel the same for Prompto. He didn't want to hurt his best friend.

Yet Noctis had done something terrible. After the pain had been so unbearable last night that Noctis could no longer stand alone in his apartment, he drove to Prompto's house. Actually, he hadn't wanted to hurt Prompto. In contrast to Gladio and Ignis, Prompto had nothing to do with the royal family. He was his best friend, who had always been there for him and who would always be there for him no matter what. Perhaps that was why Noctis had done it. Prompto's friendship had tied him to life like a lifeline. His best friend was the only one who hadn't said that Noctis should just accept his fate. When Noctis told him about it, Prompto protested with commitment. He had given Noctis ideas and suggestions on how to escape his fate. Prompto had given him the courage to go on living and not give up hope yet.

But Noctis didn't want that courage anymore. He didn't want to have to suffer this pain anymore. Either way, he would die against his will. So what was the point of fighting so hard?

The prince drove to Prompto last night and kissed him as soon as he opened the front door. His best friend tried to say something, but Noctis had smothered his words with his fiery kisses. He had kissed Prompto like a drowning man. As desperate as if he were going to die if they stopped.

At some point Prompto stopped wanting to talk about it and just let go. Noctis had given Prompto what he had wanted for years and Prompto had given Noctis what he needed right now, a distraction and a way to destroy the lifeline.

Noctis had slept with Prompto. It wasn't his first time, but it was Prompto's first time. It had been long, longing sex and when Prompto snuggled up against Noctis afterwards, his eyes had shimmered with love. He had looked at Noctis with so much love and happiness that the prince had felt everything within him freeze. He really did. He had slept with Prompto even though he knew he was going to break his heart into a thousand pieces. Noctis had given Prompto hope for more, even if he still didn't feel the same.

"That was a mistake."

The prince had whispered his words full of horror when he had broken away from Prompto and frantically stumbled out of bed. He had put on his clothes and no longer dared to look at Prompto.

"... dude, w-what do you mean by that?"

Noctis had heard the fear and the anxiety in Prompto's trembling voice. He had known that if he left now he would destroy their friendship forever, and yet he had.

"Noct ...?!"

He had heard the crying in Prompto's voice when he called after him when Noctis had run quickly out of the house. The prince had slammed the door behind him and ran off. He had run and run while his breath became more and more panting and his thoughts started screaming inside him.

It had started to rain and yet Noctis hadn't stopped running. He had run until he got up here at this bridge in the middle of the night. Completely breathless and sweaty, but with that strange calm in himself when he had looked down into the depths. Noctis was here again. In the place where he could end it all. The only way out he had if he wanted to regain the freedom to determine his own fate.

Noctis had felt his smartphone vibrate all night. The prince had ignored it until now, but as he was now sitting on the bridge, Noctis released one hand from the railing and took it out of his jacket pocket. The display was wet and for a fleeting moment Noctis smiled an empty smile. He had a selfie from Prompto as lockscreen; showing Noctis, Prompto, Ignis and Gladio. They stood in front of the cinema and grinned at the camera. At least everyone except Ignis, who was still not thrilled that the other three had outvoted him and that they were about to watch a zombie movie. Even if they still had a lot of fun.

How nice it was back then, when Noctis had no idea that his life was already over. He had just enjoyed having friends who would distract him from all gloomy thoughts.

Now he had hurt all three so that the wounds would never heal completely and ugly scars would remain. Noctis also knew why he had done it, even if it had only happened subconsciously at first. He had destroyed all his bonds so that nothing could stop him from finally getting rid of his pain.

Noctis saw that he had over 10 missed calls from Prompto, two missed calls from Ignis, and a message from Gladio asking if he was enjoying worrying them all like that. For a moment, Noctis looked at the notifications on his smartphone and wondered if he should say goodbye. Speak one last message, make one last call. But after thinking about it for a few minutes, he decided against it. He had nothing more to say.

Noctis put the smartphone next to him on the bridge railing. Noctis was sorry for hurting them all so. He was sorry for doing this. But they would understand, wouldn't they? They would just have to understand that Noctis’ final decision in life should be his own. When some time had passed, they might even understand that he had to hurt them to finally be ready to do it.

The prince took a deep breath.

"I am sorry."

He whispered his words to himself as he watched the sun rise. It shimmered bright and warm and drove away the heavy clouds with its light. He thought again about how much Prompto would love such a picturesque sight as a photo. This time Noctis actually smiled at the thought and he continued to watch the sunrise as he slowly slid off the bridge railing. Gravity caught him joyfully and pulled him down into the depths.

This is what freedom feels like.

A smile lay on Noctis’ lips as he fell into the depths. The wind made his wet clothes flutter and he heard nothing more than the loud roar of the water. He looked at the sunrise one last time before closing his eyes.

In the end he had decided his fate himself.

He was free.


End file.
